A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 151

Hay Day foot fetishism legitimized

Citizens have witnessed some bizarre sights during Hay Days of yore. Long John Silvers have hobbled down Main Street on crutches and plumbers' plungers in search of gold. Grey-bearded Gabby Hayeses have stampeded through Anne Chapline's baked bean field kitchen to lassoo wooden steers. But the events on the program of the 8th annual Hay Day, slated for Saturday, Aug. 26, could equal anything yet seen.

This year's theme is Shoes, to mark 155 years of cobblering in town. High noon, on the big day, will witness an extravaganza billed as Buster Brown's Brutal Battle, for which there are still a few vacant spots on the starting grid, incidentally.

Last-minute Browns can call 755-2405 for further info. How about it, Brownie?

Hay Day officially kicks off at 10 a.m. when the Dog Gymkhana, featuring Ignore the Cat, gets under way. This eyebrow-raising event now has the blessing of Strafford County Kennel Club, with whom this column has previously exchanged snippy correspondence. In keeping with the Shoe theme, it is hotly tipped that the winning dog will be a hush puppy.

Also at 10 o'clock, the horseshoe tournament commences, not in Fernald Park as in previous years, but downtown near Farmington Professional Center, where the Silvers dug for gold in the year of '85, actually.

At 11 a.m., the difficult task of selecting the winners of the Little Miss Footstep and Young Mr. Foorstep contest will get under way. No mean feat for the judges.

At 11:30 a.m., Farmington Karate Club will kick in (Stop these foot jokes Editor) with an exhibition, at noon comes the Buster Brown Brutal Battle (killer bees), and at 1 p.m. there is a grubby sneaker contest at R & W Insurance on Central Street. This last will be of interest to every kid in town between the ages of 4 and 14. There are three grubby-sneakered age groups, by the way.

By 1:15 p.m., the Brookfield Wild Bunch, on shoed horses, will have galloped into town. Rumor has it that Dumontskis Bar may be the target for a hold up, with owner Ron being taken hostage to cover the retreat. Could be quite a struggle. He won't avoid Budshed to protect that Kennedy painting from heels.

Another tussle will take place at 1:15 p.m., when Big Dan Conway prepares to defend his title of Sheaf Chief, by pitchforking a sack of hay higher than any one else. After this, at 2 p.m., the Scouts have a Cub-mobile race through town, with at least six local packs competing. Then come the beds, first on parade, and then in racing mode, to boot (Watch your tongue Ed.) Hmm!

The winner of the Ugly Person contest will also be announced - hopefully this column's favorite - Henry Wilson's reincarnation, man of the people, bane of the beautifiers, Defender of the Teabag, Softball Celebrity, Farmington's very own Bud-loving bundle of fun, Royce Hodgdon.

Throughout the day, FNS Bank staff will be dressed as cobblers, in keeping with this year's theme. The Davidson Locomotive, which gives rides throughout the day, will be redesigned in the shape of a boot. A shoe-shoe train, one could say. (Get outta here - Ed.)

August 21, 1989

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