A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 154

Freezer contest has winner

There was a heart-warming response to last week's $3 contest that solicited alternative uses for Royce Hodgdon's abundant supply of second hand freezers. Not that his appliances don't function perfectly well as preservers of perishable foodstuffs and coolers of Bud six-packs, for they do. Except when Royce sells one with the promise of door rails to follow. And they don't. And one's marmalade crashes onto the floor every time one opens the door, spooking the cat halfway up the curtains and . . . (Get on with the results! - Editor)

Okay. It has become obvious, from the entries, that freezers are indeed multi-purpose vehicles. Last week the possibility of their conversion to window boxes for grandiose edifices was touched upon, as was Royce's own wish to be buried in one - specifically a 1951 Gibson job with 21 cubic feet of capacity, running to nine feet in length, and weighing 450 pounds.

"Then get ye six jolly stout fellows,

And let them both stagger and go,

And dig a great hole in the meadow,

And in it lay Hodgdon the Beau."

Only the six fellows would have to be jolly stout indeed ...(RESULTS! - Ed.)

Okay, already! Mr. Don Cameron, of Farmington, a practical man with Scottish ancestors, and a Garden Center bearing his family name on Route 11, thinks unsold Christmas trees could be crammed inside Royce's freezers and preserved for the December 1990 rush.

Pam Arnold of Milton suggests that a large number of freezers could be given to Lorraine Meyer at Ye Olde Brush Factory as she has a way with ancient relics - just look at George. Hmmm. I must interject here and say that Royce's freezers are lovingly restored working models ready to give several lifetimes of service. (Pssst - Remember the rails, Royce.)

Terrie Nickerson of New Durham, who by co-incidence is the daughter of Lorraine and George, reports that a local farmer uses old freezers filled with brine to cure his festive turkeys.

Staying with the same family, her sister, Joanne Doke of Farmington, drawing on deeply personal experience, informs the readership that dead cats may be stored in freezers at this time of year, in order that they may be buried with love and dignity once the ground has thawed in mud season. They should be placed in bags to prevent freezer burn, naturally.

Mr. Ramgunshoch of Farmington came close to winning the $3 with his proposal that selectmen should lay door-less freezers at regular intervals along Main Street to serve as equine conveniences for the Beth Littlefield posse which regularly trails around town.

However, the winner of the first and only prize is Mike Whaley, Sports Editor of the Rochester Courier, who envisages an annual Farmington to Rochester race down the Cocheco River in Royce Hodgdon freezers, with the event naturally being entitled the Henry (Reincarnation) Regatta. A kinder and gentler way to travel. Anyone interested in entering this forthcoming event should contact Larry Peskin, immediately, at 332-2200.

Freezer news II

Royce, himself, takes this opportunity, to announce that his giant cog and chain freezer crusher will be ready to go into full operation any month now, which, on his time scale, is imminent indeed. By the miracle of gears and levers, this monster can compact an upright freezer into a cube of metal just six inches high. Selectmen may be reduced by the same process to a mere three and a half inches, apparently. Look out, Philostrate!

School news

During the final week of school before vacation, elementary classes will exchange peace gifts with each other. A large number of teachers may be given away.

The pre-school program will be bugged by a mystery Santa on Dec. 22.

School nurses once again issue their mittens, hats, and scarves appeal for blue children.

Fishing news

Keen angler, Principal Ken Beaupre (Prince Ipal in another age) is already moaning about the ice going to be too thick to fish through come January. He and Selectman Willis Berry have a New Year's Day date on Horne Pond in Wakefield, provided Willis's bob-house doesn't take off on him again. Mr. Beaupre, incidentally, caught a fish back in July, an event that has somehow escaped the attention of the state press.

December 18, 1989

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