FARMINGTON CORNER

A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 195

Mickey Mouse 1 Larouche 0

Now that the smoke and clangor of presidential primary battle has died away and the big political names have galloped off let us have a quick but penetrating analysis of the Farmington primary results.

Firstly, let it be sung loudly that the town has ridden itself of that awful 1988 stigma of giving Lyndon Larouche four votes while Rochester only gave him two. This time, while Larouche's Rochester power base held firm, his support in Farmington completely crumbled, and he was even surpassed, when the ballots were tallied, by a fictitious creature, Mickey Mouse, who collected one write-in vote.

Mr. Ramgunshoch, driving around with an eight-foot long "Write in Ralph Nader" pencil lashed to the roof of his pickup, obviously had a significant impact on the electorate - no fewer than 16 people plumped for this pillar of integrity (Nader, not Ramgunshoch) while in contrast local beer salesman John Rigazio, despite an advertising blitz, secured a mere four votes.

Nonetheless, four votes in this election were not to be sniffed at. Lenora Fulani only gleaned two, and poor old Curly Thornton, the man who had an ear munched off in a Montana bar, didn't get any at all. On the other hand, Tom "Billy Jack" Laughlin, the actor who once kung fued himself to Washington in a Good Cause, picked up 22. Farmington, like America, prefers a winner in a white hat.

Millionaires met with mixed fortunes. The nouveau riche Jim Lenane gathered five votes and Charles Woods was an attractive candidate for 37 people, but Paul "Space Age pen" Fisher, who preached tax reform to favor the working class, didn't get a single ballot cast in his favor. Old moneybags Bush, predictably, was Farmington's top vote getter with a total of 381, more than 150 ahead of his nearest rival. Long live feudalism!

A big surprise was the two votes gleaned by the hitherto unnoticed Patrick Mahoney of Florida. Surely he must be related to "Sam on Piano" Mahoney of the Show Biz block, just opposite Farmington's polling station? Before moving on, congratulations go to Edna Dexter and her family who, prompted by the closure of Alton Shoe, registered to vote for the first time ever. And not only did Edna vote, she dived into political activism up to her neck by waving a Bob Kerrey sign outside the Town Hall for the entire day, ensuring her man not only nudged ahead of Harkin, but Tsongas, too.

A final fascinating tidbit, this from Town Clerk Kathy Vickers. For a short time after the election, until former Independent voters reverted to their original status, there were actually more registered Democrats in town than Republicans, 936 to 930, with another 14 folks listed as Libertarians.

Poetry News

A few of weeks ago verse was sought to recite at Ramgunshoch's Rabbie Burns Supper. Well, despite readership help, that damned puppet from Strafford stole off with the bottle of whisky again. Below are a few snatches of lines sent in by well-wishers, which can now be published without fear of swaying the country one way or the other - the theme, if you recall, was the presidential primary election.

Firstly a brief snatch from Lois Bill of Rochester

By yon bonnie, bonnie banks,

(Tho' there be fewer banks),

George Bush shines bright in New Hampshire...

And from the reliably wordy Brad Bowden of Farmington

Oh, George the Grand Commander

Lived by the sea

And frolicked in delusions

That only he could see...

Lois Crowley of New Durham sounded fed up with the whole slate

Yes they've come back again

Their stakes to renew.

But between you and me,

I think they've naught else to do.

My $3 prize goes out, however, to Randy Taylor of Rochester for his Battle Hymn of the Candidates

From the lakes and streams of Pittsburg

To the shores of Hampton Beach

We will promise jobs and better times

To the voters we can reach,

We will knock on doors and telephone

We will chew off all your ears,

Then we'll leave and disregard your state.

At least for four more years.

And let the subject be slammed firmly shut for the next four years with a final verse harvested from that mouthy puppet's epic, which eventually came down in Billy Jack's corner

I'm sure there are many about us

Who'll back Lyndon Larouche once again.

And how apt that the man in the White House

Should come straight from the federal pen...

Hackett's Crevasse news

In Dumontskee's Restaurant, last Saturday, I was gazing up at the famous Kennedy Painting between forkfuls of breakfast and comparing that noble head with the line of scrawny political skulls which have recently regaled us, when in came Road Agent Clarky. We chatted nostalgically about a certain crevasse of yesteryear that used to lurk up on River Road. Nope, I agreed sadly, not even so much as a tiny puddle remained.

But wait. Hold that front page. Yeeehaaarrghh! Just 12 hours and one messy snow and rainstorm later that very location had permanently reverted to a deep, raging sea, complete with foaming billows and ice bergs. Good potholes never die.

February 22, 1992

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