Moby Dick ll: My Side

by Stephanie Piro


I donít know how you paparazzi ever track me down? Usually, I donít do interviews, but some time has gone byÖand Iím ready to set the record straight. Let history be the judge of whoís the real bad guy in this story! 

So, you ask me about memorable characters in my life, and I guess, for tenacity alone, I would have to include my old nemesis, Ahab.

First off, it wasnít murder. It was self-defense! He was obsessed with me. A stalker! 

I admit Iím something special. King of the ocean and all that. No man is an island, but when he described me as one, well, he wasnít wrong. WhalesÖwe float through the sea each an individual, so that analogy was actually pretty perceptive on his part. 

Still, Iím no man-eater. The leg thing? These things happen. Chasing me in those damn boats, not to mention poking me with those pointy harpoons. I HAD to teach him a lesson. I really thought that would put an end to it. Put him out of commission. Send him home to the wife and kids. Maybe I could have a couple years of peaceÖ contemplating the universe, with just those pesky barnacles and seagulls to annoy meÖ

But, oh no. Who shows up a few years later? And more crazy than ever? You got it. Ahab! 

I tried to stay out of his way, but he persisted in searching every drop of the ocean till he found me, minding my own business. 

Sure, I may have tipped over a vessel or two. Iím not small. But I donít EAT anyone. Iím NOT a shark. Letís get that straight! 

The Pequod. Not my fault. He did make me mad. Look, Iím pretty easy going, but even a sea turtle would have been pushed to his limit. Iím a little sorry about the mess. Our habitat is polluted enough. We donít need any more wrecks cluttering up the ocean floor. 

Back to Ahab. He physically attacked me. Jumps on. Starts stabbing me with that damn harpoon of his. Yes, the critics refer to it as a metaphorÖbut it hurt anyway. I was forced to dive, going down, down, down to try to scrape him off against some anchors and stuff down there at the bottom. Took some doing. Just LOOK at these scars. 

This has been very emotional for meÖbut I feel good about it. No, I will NOT pose with the Ahab look-a-like. Thatís pushing it. Iím still pretty big, you know.

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